Celebrity Moons All Over My TV

Ass fans must often get on their knees and clasp their hands in praise of the Lord for the pause and slow motion functions on the old DVD player and the really old VHS artifact. These buttons allow us to savor the sweet moments when celebs flash their million-dollar rears for our ass-loving pleasure. Bless them and their rounded mounds of joy.

Any exhaustive review of male ass shots in movies would be, well, exhausting. So the Flesh 4 Men staff offers a taste of our favorites. (Insert obvious comment about tasting celeb ass here). Go to Celebrity Nude Database (CNDB.com) for an extensive listing of nude celebrities, along with reviews of the scenes.

The ever-popular shower scene: Casper Van Dien and fellow shipmates get all soapy and studalicious in Starship Troopers. Van Dien strolls out of the shower, his pretty-boy ass cheeks in a clear shot. He gets a slap to the tush. In the next scene Anthony Ruivivar, from NBC’s Third Watch, moons Van Dien. Ruivivar’s ass is two smooth orbs of delight. If you slo mo this, you’ll even see a flash of his hairy hole as he shakes and grabs his cheeks.

The prep school’s football team in School Ties includes Matt Damon, Brendan Fraser and Chris O’Donnell. Tackle us, please. Damon walks in to the shower, giving us a nice amount of time to enjoy his perky backside. Meanwhile, Fraser and O’Donnell are already there with wet asses. Fraser full on, O’Donnell not so much. In a little bit, a nude fight (hot!) ensues and Damon ends up on the floor ass in air. You know several cameramen sprayed their underpants during that shot.

In Steel Magnolias Shirley MacLaine and Olympia Dukakis find themselves in the winning-team locker room after the Big Game. The triumphant jock-strapped and bare-assed footballers swirl around the ladies with abandon. True, the guys aren’t celebs but the two old gals are darling.

Surprise ass: Who knew Edward Norton had a rear to rave about? In 1996’s Primal Fear it’s a nice ass shown for a quick peak, but nothing to write home about. Then comes American History X in 1998 and it’s obvious Eddieboy has been to the gym. His now ripened melons are viewed in full several times.

Jake: As in Gyllenhaal. As Kathy Griffin says: “The gays are now all about Gyllenhaal.” And that harpy knows her gays. True -- Jakey was stingy with the flesh in Brokeback Mountain -- just a side shot of him at the river and using a body double for the nude jump-off-the-cliff scene. But, and I mean butt, all is forgiven in Jarhead. He is proud of that rockin’ Marine body. Early on he is fucking his girl against a chest of drawers. The camera zooms in on his meaty mass as he pumps like a junkyard dog. Slo mo this for maximum enjoyment. Later, Mr. G is seen dancing at a party in a Santa thong. He shakes that rumpthang like a Polaroid snapshot. You just want to grab it and hold on for dear life.

Superstar: If he was known for nothing else, Miss Andy Warhol would still deserve space in art history for bringing us Joe Dallesandro, one of the hottest pieces of ass ever. Although Joe is seen naked in many ’60s Warhol films, ass lovers need to check out 1968’s Flesh. It opens with several minutes of Joe sleeping in bed, his Rodin-worthy musclepile on display. Joe does nothing but sleep, but you will pant. Later in the scene he wakes up and fucks some chick. Lots of good ass-in-motion shots.

Bacon or rump roast? We’ll take all six degrees of Kevin Bacon as long as he is without pants. In Wild Things, he is caught ass-to-the-camera while in the shower. In Hollow Man he drops his robe. Freeze frame this one as it is among the most perfect butts -- not too big, not too small, just right.

2 for 1: It’s a joy in Joyride when Steve Zahn and Paul Walker give us full ass. This is not blink-and-you-miss-it ass. It’s ass adoration for extended perusal. The two walk out of their car and into a restaurant, the camera following behind. Walker’s puppy is high and tight, Zahn’s is low and wide.

It is two for the shower when Kurt Russell and Sly Stallone in Tango & Cash; and Antonio Banderas and Woody Harrelson in Play It To The Bone take to the nozzles side by side. All four men show big chunky monkey asses you’d love to rest your head on every night.

What it is with water? In The Talented Mr. Ripley, Jude Law steps out of a tub for a full-on ass shot live and reflected in a mirror. Later Matt Damon gets out of a tub, his bubble butt glowing proud and pleasing. He wraps it in a towel but then promptly loses it in front of Gwyneth Paltrow.

The King of All Ass: All we can say is Reese Witherspoon is one lucky girl and she better appreciate husband Ryan Phillippe’s cute, little, smooth, dimpled. lickable, bitable backside. Any angel as painted by Raphael would kill for it. Phillippe knows he’s sitting on what his fans want and he has no shame baring it for them and God. Watch Cruel Intentions, Little Boy Blue, 54 or Homegrown.